well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
