I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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