I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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