i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
