I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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