I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
