Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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