so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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