She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
