I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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