these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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