last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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