If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
