I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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