I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
