dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
