Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Little spoons don't ask big questions
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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