even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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