The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
