i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
