I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dick very happy bro
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
