So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
