Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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