Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
