we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
