Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
