I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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