Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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