we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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