Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
