If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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