We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got inside last night via doggy door
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
