I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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