Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Barsexuality is the new black.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
