I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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