Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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