You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
