Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
