Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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