I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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