cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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