Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
