reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
