Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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