I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
