We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
