i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
