I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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