I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
