i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
