happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
