I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
