Can Purell be used as lube?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
