we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
