I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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