He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
