evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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