If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
