I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
