Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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