Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
