He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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