spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
