She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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