Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
