so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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