I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I deserve this hangover.
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