some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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