a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
