New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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