That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
