My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
