Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
