you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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